life happenings...

i went to the redi med this evening. i have been having some strange symptoms lately, some of which are a sudden feeling of passing out, nausea, jitters, hot flashes, slightly slurred speech, a sense of panic, among other things. the doctor i saw was a little bizzare, but he came to the conclusion that i have a cold, and an anxiety issue, or possibly a thyroid problem. he asked me what i do to relax and i said read a book and he insisted that that was not a form of relaxation. he told me to research the internet to find ways to train my mind instead.....huh??? he was foreign so i couldn't understand half of what he was saying, but he seemed to be offering some sort of psychotherapy. he did give me a prescription for xanax, which he told me to just "play around with and figure out what works" for me. so basically, if i was vulnerable and desparate enough, which i am not, i could take as much of the stuff as i wanted to whenever i wanted to. (no wonder people become easily addicted to meds). he also gave me a slip for a leave of absence from work for 1 week. lovely. i'm ok with taking a day or 2 off of work, but i will not be taking the week off. i will be making an appointment with a real doctor, something i have not done in years. i am one who tries so hard to be tough but i have driven myself to the point that i am concerned that if i don't take care of myself right now, then i won't have the strength to take care of my kids. i think i have pushed myself past the point of exhaustion, and i've just been in denial about this for so long. this very well could have brought on the anxiety, although i am going to ask for bloodwork to be sure there isn't something else going on. for those of you who read this, if you could please keep me in your prayers, i would appreciate it!!

on a lighter note....some exciting things are going on in my life too. Chad and i have joined a small group which meets on wednesday evenings. i am so pumped to see where this takes us spiritually and i'm excited about the relationships we will build with others in addition to strengthening our own. also, we have decided to start teaching the 4's and 5's class at church. i feel like god has really been guiding me to get more involved. my spiritual life has been at such a stand still for too long, and over the last year i have been taking steps to reconnect and re-energize my relationship with god. little by little, i am growing. i want so badly to be a godly woman so that i can share the love of the lord with my children. i truly believe that god has got awesome things in store for my life, something i'm not sure i completely believed before. god is amazing, and i'm in awe!